Home > Movie and Anime Reviews > Movie Review Lone Ranger (2013)

Movie Review Lone Ranger (2013)

Movie Review Lone Ranger (2013)

The masked man gets the Mummy treatment



Lone Ranger movie poster

Sidekick becomes Frontkick

The new movie is based on a famous 1933 radio show and the TV series from the 1950s. It’s the story of a Texas Ranger and his Native American sidekick dispensing justice on the Western Frontier. The first question most have with the remake is why- why bring back this franchise? And the second; why is Johnny Depp playing Tonto the Native American sidekick? When you get past the explanations mentioning 16ths of blood, you get to focus on a modern retelling and ask the most important question; is it any good?


Yeah, sorta, I guess. It’s the equivalent of watching Batman and Robin and liking Robin more.  Not just that but liking Robin so much, you wish he played Batman or they named the series Robin and the Batguy. True, Depp might lack some of the physical presence to be a larger than life lawman, but so does Armie Hammer who brings the not-quite-a-hero aspect several notches below what Brendan Fraser gave us in The Mummy (1999) franchise. Same Writer and Director. Stephen Sommers keeps this movie balanced between grit and grins so just when you think we are about to slip into a spaghetti western, we get a reminder that this is a Disney movie (after all) and the world aint as dark you might think. Most of the gruesome un-pleasantries happen off-camera or are promised on a later date [pun intended]. Sure we have the immigrant Chinese labor building the railroads, sure we have the slaughter of tribes, oh maybe a few servants, but mostly this depiction isn’t as important as the mission of our (unlikable) main character and his personal quest for justice. Tonto might have been right with this Kemo Sahbee.


So yes, it’s an okay-to-good movie. And it stops at good. Stops…at…good. As an adult watching a weirdly balanced movie between childish and churlish, I get it and won’t lose my mind over the numerous plot-holes, time gaps and slanted characterizations. Even the flashback-to-today storytelling technique jarred me from being into the movie to sitting at a carnival to sitting in a movie theater watching Hollywood retell a tired tale. Tired. That might sum up my experience watching a movie that misses in so many moments. By the time the William Tell overture cued up, I was already done. And so, when you bring your kids, be sure to bring the kid in you too. The adult will be disappointed. I’m not a movie critic; I’m just critiquing a movie.

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